“I don’t want to be a boss anymore, I want to close my business!”

“I don’t want to be a boss anymore, I want to close my business!”

A fellow entrepreneur posted this on social media recently. They went on to explain that they had a hard time setting boundaries with their staff and that they feel like they need to be on-site at the business all of the time because they cannot trust them to do things well.

They went on to make some self-deprecating remarks and ultimately blamed themselves. “I love my staff and they are good people but I need to stay in control,” they lamented. Eventually, it was revealed that they believed that the only solution was for them to sell the business and just work as a business of one.

In other words, the answer was to play small instead of finding a way to move forward playing a bigger game.

However, when some people responded in support of the decision to sell the business and let go of being a boss, they quickly responded by saying that it would be impossible to ever have a boss again and that they would have to stay self-employed. The exact words were “I could never work with anyone else.”

I could feel the frustration and I could spot the conflict in the words that were chosen. I could clearly see that there were personal conflicts being played out in their business.

I’ve seen this before: the desire not to have a boss comes from less than positive employee experiences in the past. The desire to not be a boss anymore is also connected to those previous unpleasant experiences that are now muddying what it means to be a boss. They’re two sides of the same coin.

Just because you had a “mean boss” experience in the past doesn’t mean you’ll recreate one in your own business.

You get to decide how you’ll lead your business, what kind of manager you’ll be, and how you’ll treat your team. Of course, to do this, you have to be conscious and intentional about the process.

Yet, it seems to be incredibly rare that entrepreneurs have the opportunity to create this intentional environment for their teams.

It’s even rarer that entrepreneurs have an intentional relationship with their businesses. And for good reason, there’s a lot of bad advice out there that perpetuates the core problem.

I watched the thread of comments and opinions on the original post evolve. This frustrated business owner was given advice from every standpoint: everything from “this is what owning a business is so suck it up buttercup” to the cheerleaders who said, “it will be ok, you got this.”

They were cheered, they were shamed, they had jokes made at their expense and it broke my heart.

This is a strong and brave person who built a successful business on their own. Yet, here they are submitting to others, taking abuse from their staff, and from this thread of commenters on social media and from within.

What I know to be true is that even if this person has a business of one, they will continue to create an unhealthy relationship between their business and employee #1 themselves.

Selling the business is not the answer, at least not until they have done some of the inner work to make sure that they do not face the same blocks and blind spots in their new endeavors.

I gently reached out and told them that I help business owners identify the blocks and blind spots in their businesses that have personal origins. I asked if we could talk further to see if I could be of help and thankfully they agreed.

You see this person is in very good company. I see this type of struggle in business owners and entrepreneurs all of the time. They are struggling with personal challenges that are impacting their business, and their leadership and they do not see it. However, when you know what to look for it can become quite clear.

The following are some of the most common ways I see those blocks and blind spots show up for entrepreneurs and business owners.

• Need for approval without being satisfied once it is given
• Fear of being visible
• Perfectionism
• Fear of criticism and judgment
• Fear of rejection
• Diminishing accomplishments
• Deference to men or perceived authority figures
• Forgetting that the business they created is theirs and that they can change course if it is needed
• Poor boundaries with employees and lack of trust

Can you spot a few that might be running amok this person’s business?

With the right guidance and willingness to look at past patterns and relationships, they can most definitely make changes to help them have a solid business that is not only financially successful but also emotionally sustainable.

There is no need to be overwhelmed, clarity is key and it can start with one step. Here is one process you can do.

• Ask yourself where you feel most out of control in your business.
• Then ask yourself where you have felt this way before.

This will give you clarity on how old relationship patterns might be showing up for you so that you can take the next steps to get a different outcome.

If you see yourself in this story and find that you need support in moving through these steps. There is no shame in that. I invite you to follow me on medium, check out my Facebook Page. Nicole Lewis-Keeber Coaching LLC or email me at nicole@lewis-keeber.com to find out how you can work with me.

Are you curious about how trauma could be impacting your own business? Download my Trauma & Entrepreneurship Assessment here.